Dark Chocolate.

My life feels like dark chocolate.

While that may sound weird at first, let me explain.

This past week has been an overwhelming mixture of joy, tears, relief, disappointment, laughter, anxiety, fatigue, and disbelief.

On Thursday, I found out my family's arrival was delayed until Sunday due to the ash cloud spanning the Tasman. I was incredibly disappointed. I spent my day moping a bit and studying for finals.

On Friday, I took my second final: Classical Tragedy through Mythology. I was rather glad to be finished with that one.

On Saturday, I took my Inorganic Chemistry final. It was an immense relief to be finished with that.

After my exam, Saturday brought me to tears. I am not sure whether they were tears of joy or of sadness. Most likely both. My mother called me from Sydney to deliver the news that they will not be able to arrive until Tuesday due to the ash cloud. Four days after their planned arrival. Just as I was absorbing this difficult information, the phone was given to someone else in Sydney. Someone I thought was on the other side of the ocean spending time in Minnesota playing frisbee golf.

My boyfriend Justin is in Sydney with them. Even now, I can scarcely wrap my head around all of the planning and white lies that were put into making his arrival a surprise and had the ash cloud not gotten in the way (quite literally), I think the airport would have experienced an incredible amount of screams and tears when I saw him.

While it is truly unfortunate that the Lucht family + Justin are marooned in Australia, I have grown to recognize that there are also some positive aspects of this situation. I have been able to study for my last exam without distraction. They have been able to spend a few days in the lively city of Sydney seeing incredibly architecture, tasting great food, and experiencing Australia. I have time to pack and get all of my things together before they arrive. They will have recovered from jet lag by the time they get to me.

During church this morning, the pastor spoke about hope. He spoke about the importance of it in our Christian lives, especially when we face disappointment.

In the stressful events of the past few days, God has been showing me just that: in the difficult things of life, there is always hope.

In those things that seem too bitter, there is still sweetness.

It's like dark chocolate.

Ash Clouds, Ash Clouds, Go Away. Come Again...Never.

I am not ready to leave New Zealand quite yet. Instead, I have the privilege of showing my family the country I have lived in and the people I have grown to love. I get to see their reactions when they witness the grandeur of the Remarkables on the South Island and hear their laughter when they meet my awesome homestay family.

There is only one problem.

A certain Chilean ash cloud looms ominously over Southern parts of New Zealand and Australia.

If this occurred almost any other week, I would note it as an interesting phenomenon and move on.

I cannot do that this week.

My family arrives in three short days and they connect through Sydney, out of which flights have been grounded on multiple occasions in the last few weeks.

So please, Mr. Ash Cloud, skedaddle. Perhaps Chile would take you back?

The Lucht Brigade

I love calculating. Whether it is how many points I need on a test to do well for my final grade or the amount of time it will take me to travel somewhere, I just love using simple math to figure out life's daily problems.

Lately, I have become rather obsessed with an even simpler type of math: counting.

I love to count. I love to count how many days of finals I have left. I love to count how many weeks until I board the plane home. I love to count how many 'sleeps' there are until my wonderful family gets here.

It seems as though every morning I wake up and my brain automatically calculates my new set of numbers. 11, 3, 9.

While I see no incredible harm in knowing the number of days until my time here in New Zealand is finished, I am struck by the danger of living only for the future instead of in the present. Too often I become stuck in wondering, wishing, and hoping for, what I imagine, a time when life will be easier. More filled with love. More figured out.

Something tells me that day will never come.

The world is a messy place. Things can be difficult. School can be challenging and relationships can be straining, but I know this: no matter how much you believe attaining something or reaching some time will make everything better, it will not.

My experience here in New Zealand has been unbelievable. It has been the most challenging thing I have ever done and while I think I have cried more in these 4+ months than in any other, I have grown and experienced more than I ever imagined possible. It wasn't done sitting and waiting in my cozy little bedroom in the basement for the time to pass. Instead, it happened through doing. Through action. Through engaging in the world around me just where I am.

As I count down now, I recognize that I need to continue to give my presence to my life here in Auckland, but I could not be more excited to share this place with those I love the most and to have them be present here too.

Be prepared, Auckland. The Lucht Brigade is coming.

To Be a Hobbit.

This last weekend, I traveled around the Coromandel peninsula with some of my friends. We saw things ranging from a hot water beach (after digging a hole in the sand, you bask in the hot water that fills it) to Cathedral Cove, which was featured in the Narnia movie "Prince Caspain". It was a very cool Saturday.

It was Sunday that brought me to Hobbiton. The site of 'The Shire' is outside the small town of Matamata and boasts the hobbit holes featured in the Lord of the Rings trilogy as well as the upcoming movie of 'The Hobbit'.

It was all very cool and while I cannot post pictures due to copyright, I urge you to take my word for it that the small dwellings are incredibly picturesque. If possible, I would not mind having a round and colorful front door on my house in the future. While I have been told it would be an inefficient use of space, I maintain that it would add a character that far surpasses any lost space.

One thing that struck me while I peered around at hobbit holes and the quaint gardens of 'The Shire' was how incredibly real things can appear when they are truly not. While to my eyes, the sets looked flawless, I knew in my mind that they were merely constructions.

Sometimes I wonder if we try to appear like these movie sets: put together with things perfectly placed. We like to give the impression of being people in control of our relationships, our academics, our futures, our emotions, and our experiences.

I hope to always freely admit my life is not like that. It seems to me that as soon as I figure out one aspect of my life, another has dropped off the deep end. My relationships sometimes take a hit as I focus on academics and vice versa.

In Hobbiton, occasionally some pesky tourists disrupt the carefully erected facade. It is discovered that behind those cute round doors lie only cement retaining walls.

My prayer this week is to be someone real. Someone who freely admits mistakes and difficulties. I am praying to be someone whose life reflects God despite of and through my imperfections.

I am also secretly praying to be turned into a hobbit.

No Regrets.

I am back! I am sorry for the long delay in posts, but my profile here was doing strange things and hasn't allowed me to post anything for the last two weeks. I have been rather frustrated, but all is well now.

A brief synopsis of the latest weeks: an ascent of Rangitoto (the volcano in Auckland harbor), a puppy-chow filled girls' night, a journey up North of Auckland with a Kiwi friend, and a Turkish dinner with school pals. Overall a very fun couple of weeks.

While I know I still have a month and a half left here in New Zealand, over the last few weeks I have been struck by how it feels as though the end is quickly approaching. Classes finish after next week. My family arrives in Auckland a month from tomorrow. I head off to explore Australia in ten days. When I consider the time remaining here in Auckland, there seems very little left free.

My main concern as I contemplate how to spend my time here in Auckland is that I go home with no regrets. I hope my last 6 weeks are filled with adventure, laughter, and appreciation for the country I now live in. I am the only one responsible for pushing myself to make these things happen. I can't let my desire to see people at home get in the way of making the most of this opportunity because I will be home before I know it and I can't get this time back.

Hearts.

The more time I spend in New Zealand, the more things I love about it.

From the beautiful sunsets over Manukau Bay to the interesting people I meet at the bus stop. From the use of words like 'rubbish bin' and 'wop wops' to the craziness that is the Miller clan when they all come over for dinner.

From the kindness of my classmates when I look lost to the adorable cafes dotting every single street.

New Zealand is beautiful.

Still, the more time I spend in New Zealand, the more I realize how important the people not in New Zealand are to me.

Beautiful sunrises don't compare to a best friend.

Funny experiences aren't the same as loud family gatherings.

Interesting foods (like Barfi - look it up) can't measure up to making dinner with my boyfriend.

In saying these things, I am not wishing I were home right now. When I consider leaving New Zealand in a couple of months, it's a bittersweet thought. I have fallen in love with so much here. New Zealand is teaching me about how much a person can actually love. In some ways, I wonder if the heart is infinitely expansive.

I'm looking forward to so many things in the coming months. I have a feeling flying home will be leaving a bit of my heart here to go get the part I left in Minnesota.

When did May get here?

May has arrived with a flurry of showers, a heavy blanket of clouds, and assignments put off during mid-semester break. I can hardly believe May has come already.

The past week has been rather filled with inorganic chemistry, catching up with everyone at home, and a royal wedding. With New Zealand being associated closely with Britain, a few of my friends and I thought it was only fitting we make cookies and stay up to watch the wedding in its entirety.

The Miller clan greeted me Saturday morning with a large amount of banging on the walls outside of my bedroom - they were removing the outside paneling. It was a Saturday spent chatting with everyone, coloring with the grandkids, and relaxing to American Idol with Jan and Chris. Somewhat ironic that I had never seen a full episode before arriving here.

I can hardly believe that my family arrives in around 50 days. That is so soon! This whole experience has passed so quickly already and as much as I am excited about seeing everyone at home, the idea of leaving New Zealand is already bittersweet. I think that means a return trip is necessary in the future.

Something from church on Sunday has been on my mind. The pastor preached about accepting our roles in Christ. As everyone knows, I have yet to figure out which career path I am going to pursue after Gustavus. It's a running joke that I choose something different each week. Listening to the sermon, I was comforted to know that God has a plan. Though it is difficult, I have to lay aside my pride, expectations, and fears because His ways are infinitely better. Whatever career God leads me to, I know that as long as I trust God with the guiding, I will end up where I am meant to be.

As I enter into May, I am excited about the possibilities of life. I still have a considerable amount of time left to enjoy New Zealand. My family is coming to visit this amazing country in a couple of months. My friends at home have been wonderful.

Adventures await.

I am back. I am alive. I am tired.

The last few weeks have been crazy. I arrived back in Auckland two days ago and still feel as though I'm stuck in a whirlwind of changing locations every day and wearing dirty clothes. I think Jan and Chris are probably happy the dirty clothes thing is not true.

My week in Rarotonga was beautiful. A bit hot and sticky for this Minnesota girl, but the water was unbelievably clear and the people welcomed us so graciously. We spent the week learning how to make headdresses and plates out of plants, dying sarongs, hiking across the island in the pouring rain, eating octopus and other interesting food items, getting tan on the beach, snorkeling in the coral reefs, planting taro, eating more tropical fruits than I've had in my entire life combined, listening to lectures about the Cook Islands, and getting to know the other members of the Auckland study abroad group.

Whew. It was busy, but it was the perfect change from the heaps of schoolwork I had been doing before the break. While I do not thoroughly enjoy being sweaty from just breathing, it was a wonderful opportunity to experience a new culture.

The road trip to the South Island of New Zealand followed right on the heels of Rarotonga. We flew in from the Cook Islands at 8pm on April 15th and out of Auckland to Christchurch at 6:30am on the 16th. Let's just say it was a night full of packing, laundry, rushed emails and little sleep.

The South Island experience was radically different from Rarotonga. I traveled around with two of my friends instead of in a group of 36 and the temperatures were about half that in the Cook Islands. It was nice to be back in Christchurch and strange to imagine how different my study abroad experience would have been if I had stayed there. We stopped to buy groceries at the grocery store near our old apartments and walking through the aisles we had cruised a few months earlier as students was a bit weird.

Our road trip took us first to see Mt. Cook. Well, technically we only saw Mt. Cook for about 20 minutes due to low cloud cover, but it was an awesome area. The mountains loom on all sides over a flat valley where the road winds its way towards Mt. Cook. After a rather chilly night tenting in my sleeping bag that is not meant for winter, I (along with Kristen and Stephen, of course) hiked around Mt. Cook and saw the glaciers there. The highlight came when the clouds parted for a brief moment and we got to see Mt. Cook. It towered over the skyline and was definitely worth the wait.

The next stop on our trip was Queenstown. The drive there was unbelievable. New Zealand continues to surprise me with the natural beauty that can be seen in every drive and vista. Rolling hills with mountains in the distant made the car ride to the adventure capital of New Zealand a pleasant experience. I loved Queenstown from the beginning. It is nestled right next to the Remarkables mountain range. Their peaks greet you every time you head outside. In Queenstown, I embarked on bit of an extreme sport rage and went bungee jumping off a platform 440 ft from the ground and skydived from 15,000 ft. Overall a successful trip. Both were awesome, but I was surprised to find I like bungee jumping more. I'm working on convincing Mom to go when they come, but I may be fighting a losing battle.

We spent the next few days after Queenstown tramping the Routeburn track. It's one of New Zealand's "Great Walks" and consists of a 32 km track passing from Mt. Aspiring National Park into Fjordland National Park. I hadn't hiked much before coming to New Zealand, but I have found it to be an awesome activity. While at times I found my hiking pack a bit heavy, the scenery more than justified the effort. I loved meeting the international range of people on the track and huts where we stayed. Certain lessons were learned for the future: bring a cup (it's helpful for drinking tea - water bottles are not effective), try to find alternatives to PB&J (I currently can't really look at peanut butter. Bleh.), and mint Tim Tams are the ultimate post-hike treat. Num.

Milford Sound was the next stop on our journey and while it rained the whole cruise, I found the fjord stunning. Around 1500 waterfalls appear when it pours there and while there were not quite that many when we were there, the sight was still impressive. We even spied a few seals and dolphins!

We continued up the West Coast to the Fox and Franz Joseph glaciers. Unique in their close position to the sea, the glaciers are relatively easy to access. On Easter, we went on a half-day hike on the Fox glacier. I had seen glaciers from afar in Alaska last summer, but their vastness can't be understood until you actually hike on one. Easter was a bit difficult. I felt rather homesick for the traditional Easter experiences of church, Easter egg and envelope hunts, cheesy potatoes, and crazy family gatherings. I was able to Skype the family for a little bit, which was wonderful and difficult at the same time. I cannot wait to be back for all of the family things in a few months - I miss everyone!

A car ride through Arthur's Pass back to Christchurch wrapped up our journey. By the time we made it back, I was thoroughly smelly, wearing very dirty clothing, and ready to return to Auckland for a shower, real meal, and comfortable bed. We did spend an interesting 12 hours in the Christchurch airport waiting for our flight back at the ungodly hour of 5:40am. If anyone is wondering, the Antarctic Center next to the airport boasts live penguins, Hagglund rides, and fun exhibits. A few hours can be spent there...

I am now back. It has been a little difficult getting back into the routine of school, but it's getting better. Facing all of the work to be done in the next few weeks was a bit daunting at first, but when I consider that I only have 5 full weeks left, it seems so short. I can hardly believe it. The Lucht family arrives in 58 days! I am incredibly excited to show them the country I've been living in and have them meet Jan and Chris. It'll be a party.

It is also nice to be back in contact with everyone at home. Being away from reliable internet for 3 weeks was frustrating, but it made me appreciate how lucky I am to be in constant contact with those I love. Yay for Facebook, email, and Skype!

I believe this is the longest post I have ever written. Good for you if you make it through!

Hello Sun, Sand, and Beaches.

I am done with the first half of the semester! Yesterday was my last day of class and today finds me packing for Rarotonga and writing an essay for my mythology class. I finished it. Whew, if anyone desires to read about the inversion of Heracles' arete in Euripides' play, just let me know. I conveniently have an essay about that.

This week went rather quickly. It was nice to have a week without tests and assignments due. I did try to do all of my homework for break and while that didn't make for an easy week, it was well worth it. I now have two and a half weeks of freedom. Rarotonga this week and the South Island the week and a half after. It is going to be awesome.

I watched the first Lord of the Rings last night with some friends and it was strange to realize I am in the country. It is beautiful in the movie and I'm hoping even better in person.

More about Rarotonga. It is part of the Cook Islands and across the International Date Line from New Zealand meaning it is 22 hours behind. I've heard it's sunny and warm basically year round and the beaches are beautiful. We'll be snorkeling, tramping across the island, outrigger paddling, making our own sarongs, and just having a wonderful time. Hopefully getting a tan.

This is a very random post - I am getting picked up in ten minutes! I won't be on for a week, but hopefully I will post again before leaving for the South Island. If not, I will be back in two in a half weeks. I hope to be a little tanner and full of awesome stories, pictures, and experiences!

Trust.

Being here as taught me a lot about myself. It has shown me that I am able to be independent in ways I never have been before. It has helped me to appreciate the wonderfully supportive group of friends and family who care about me. It has challenged my constant desire to be in control.

New Zealand has made me think.

More importantly for me this week, New Zealand is making me learn how to trust.

I like to control the areas of my life. I enjoy knowing exactly what is required of me, when it will be required, and what I need to do to succeed.

Life doesn't work out like that sometimes. Sometimes no matter how much I try to be joyful or excited, I find myself missing home. No matter how many times I thank God that I am blessed with such a wonderful homestay situation and group of new friends, I end up wishing for the family and friends I have known for years.

I have been dealing with that this week. I have had many unique and funny experiences including trying out the Mexican restaurant here in Auckland - not real Mexican, taking the ferry to Waiheke Island and spending the day on the beach & wine tasting at vineyards, and making it through a challenging school week.

At the same time, my mind seems to be at home. I wish I could get a hug from a few people and then I think I'd be set again for a few months. I know that study abroad is meant to be challenging and stretching, but I always seem to forget that those things come with hurt alongside the growth.

God is good and He is teaching me about trust. When I have felt those "down" moments in the last week or been frustrated with long-distance relationships, He is constantly reminding me of His goodness and desire for me to be here for the next three months. He has a plan. He is in control.

I simply have to trust.

I wish it were simple.

At the moment, I know these things: God is shaping me. While my heart wants to be here and at home, God has a plan better than any I can imagine.

It all comes down to trust.

The Best of February and March

I was asked by some folks not on Facebook to share some of my photos here. These are some of my favorites from February and March!

A baby fern by Te Anga
Beach at Pauanui
Ready to Surf
Side street off of Queens St. in Auckland
Hagley Park in Christchurch
Top of Mt. Eden in Auckland.

At Takapuna Beach in Auckland.

The skyline of Auckland.

A crack in the road in the area where we were shoveling liquefaction.

A view from the train going to Kaikoura!
A sheep in Springfield

Blown About.

As we approach the end of March, I feel incredibly blessed to have had the month I did. My experiences have been varied and sometimes difficult, but they have been mine.

This past weekend I traipsed down to Tongariro National Park to attempt the Tongariro Alpine Crossing. It is known as the best day-hike in New Zealand. Sadly enough, the weather did not cooperate and 60+ kph winds and low visibility due to rain prevented us from attempting the eight hour hike. Nevertheless, we decided to attempt a shorter and easier hike to the Tuma lakes at the base of one of the mountains.

The scenery was beautiful. The volcano featured in Lord of the Rings as Mt. Doom is situated in Tongariro and the area surrounding is filled with volcanic rock, vibrant moss, and swaying grasses. Due to the low cloud cover, Mt. Doom remained unseen during our stay, but I hope to get back and see it sometime. While we thought it would be relatively straightforward, the Tuma lakes hike turned into a rather funny adventure. As we tramped the first few hours of it and finally arrived at the first lake to eat lunch, it had been drizzling intermittently throughout the morning. Just as we were preparing for the steepest and most exposed section of the hike, gusts of intense wind and pouring rain swirled around the ridge. In the way of normal college students, we decided we could handle it and began the trek up the intense incline to the Upper Lake. I have never felt such strong winds or experienced horizontal rain. In a few short minutes, we were drenched completely through. As it made no sense to give up when our clothes, packs, and boots were already drenched, we battled up the ridge and finally made it to the summit overlooking the Upper Lake. To be honest, I didn't stay up there long. We quickly began our retreat and scurried down as quickly as we could.

The three hour tramp back to the car was filled with some more lovely scenery, water-logged hiking boots, and bouts of rain.

Overall, the hike was an adventure. It wasn't what I had planned for the weekend, but it was something I would do again. I haven't laughed as hard as I did when the horizontal rain began in a long time.

This past week was one filled with academic preparations. I have a rather busy and intense schedule this week with essays and lab reports due along with a chemistry test. When it's over, we will only have one more week to go before Fall Break (Rarotonga and the South Island here we come!).

As the time passes, I find myself missing simple things at home. I wish I could go to the cabin and sit around the fire with my extended family. I wish I could plop myself at the kitchen table and talk to my parents after dinner. I wish I could laugh about nothing with my boyfriend while we make cookies. I know I will be able to do those things again before I know it, but right now the next three months loom a bit long. I am excited for the many opportunities and experiences that lay ahead of me now, but sometimes I wish I could be home for a night or two. I wouldn't mind.

What a Quick Week.

Every week seems to go by more quickly than the last.

This week was no exception. It has passed in a whirlwind of school, scrumptious New Zealand cuisine, and a trip to the Coromandel Peninsula.

Schoolwork is beginning and, per usual, I am feeling a bit stressed by the looming prospect of grades. It is rather comforting to know that spring break is in three short weeks, yet strange as I only started school two weeks ago. I am not complaining. Wednesday marked the first day I sat down at my desk and did work at home. Good for me, huh? Perhaps that puts the productivity of the previous week and a half in question...

One aspect of New Zealand that I was not expecting and has been wonderful: the food. Everything is very fresh and meals frequently consist of three vegetable sides and a main dish. This week brought an especially wonderful meal and time to connect with more people: a barbeque get-together between the six families hosting the IES students from Christchurch. A table laden in fresh vegetables and salads was coupled with grilled entrees and recently baked desserts. Num. My host mother has graciously agreed to teach me how to cook. I sincerely hope we are successful in our risky endeavor. It will be interesting.

This weekend I, along with my friend Katie, accompanied Jan and Chris (my host parents) to their beach house in Pauanui on the Coromandel Peninsula. Their daughter and her family also went and it was a rowdy, loud, and crazy place during the day. I have never been witness to that much laughter, that many tears, and that loud of noise in such a short space of time. It was fun. Chris gave Katie and me a surfing lesson and we, to our surprise, did relatively well for our first time. I would love to try again some day. The nights were wonderfully peaceful (thanks to the four sleeping children) and filled with fire-cooked pizza, chinese lanterns, and laughter. I am incredibly blessed to be part of this family for the short time I am here.

Today brought some more beach time and the trip home. I am a bit drained and the school week looms ahead, but as I look back over my time here, it has passed so quickly. So too will the schoolwork and difficulties ahead of me this week. I am simply looking forward to the joys, and laughs to come. There will even be some dancing on Wednesday at the Bassnectar concert!

It is Well.

Today finds me almost a week since my last post. While much has happened and I still occasionally get pangs of homesickness, a certain measure of stability has provided me with joy. Last night I experienced my first purely happy moment since being in New Zealand. I was not wishing to be anywhere else. I was not worried about school, earthquakes or relationships. I began to realize how incredibly blessed I am.

My week has been full of wonderful things. I attended a rugby league game (apparently different from what we think of as rugby) and loved being part of the yelling mob of fans. Well, at least when I understood what we were getting upset about. I explored the harbor with a friend and marveled as the personal yachts and sailboats moored there. The demands of school required me to do some homework which was not to be avoided. Alas. I worshiped at church and had meaningful conversations with my host family and my friends. Skype and Facebook continued to allow me to connect with those at home.

I am looking forward to the many adventures to come this week, including a visit to my family's beach house and attempts to teach me how to surf. A barbeque with all the host families and their respective kiddies is being held tomorrow. It is going to be a great week.

The earthquake and subsequent tsunami in Japan have been on my mind and are events of incomprehensible tragedy. So many lives were lost and so many continue to be missing. When I consider the events of Christchurch and my own experiences there, I can only feel lucky and a bit ashamed. The nature of the disaster Japan has undergone is more devastating than anything I can imagine and yet my gut instinct is to say, "Something like that happened to me too. Don't forget about me!" God seems to be using this awful situation as a lesson. He desires to extricate me from my selfishness and remind me of the other people in need. Yes, I was emotionally traumatized by my own experiences, but God's greatest command is to love Him and others. I need to refocus my life away from myself and towards helping those in need. God, my family and my friends have shown me incredible love in the past and continue to support me with it now.

My goal for the week: to live passing on the love I've been blessed with. There are those in more difficult situations than mine.

Cricket, Classes, and My "Random Family"

Just as I do every morning, I woke up and drowsily evaluated my life. In my sleepy disorientation, I was shocked to realize I have been in Auckland for nine days. The time has passed so quickly!

With the starting of classes, I have rediscovered a truth forgotten over the last few months: professors require you to spend some of your free time doing homework. The problem with this lies in New Zealand's many attractions. There are so many verdant parks, sprawling beaches, trendy shops, and quaint cafes that also deserve attention. I'm not sure inorganic chemistry will be getting the incredibly dedicated student it desires, but I'm figuring out how to juggle experiencing this country while studying a bit. I suppose my father would tell me that ultimately I did sign up for a STUDY abroad. He always is so practical. Nevertheless, I plan to have weekends spent exploring islands, attending festivals, and doing homework (small amounts, of course).

That said, my classes (called "papers" here) are going well. Entering them a few days late raised some feelings of anxiety, but after talking to lecturers, discovering I have a student email, and purchasing my books, I am feeling significantly more settled. It will be a semester full of coordination complexes, latin grammar, mythology, and war history. That means a semester full of learning! My inner nerd is delighted.

Newly realized and appreciated aspect of my homestay: I have my own bathroom. I have never had my own bathroom. Ever. It is wonderful. More than that, I have found a place where I can come home for dinner, discuss my day, learn the rules of cricket, and (ironically) watch my first complete episode of American Idol. I like to call the Millers the "random family" I was paired with. They seem to enjoy that label. I think God paired me with them for many reasons and I am excited to continue discovering my place within their family and community.

While the events in Christchurch are ever present in my mind, I am looking forward to the coming months here in Auckland. I am going to the Pasifika festival tonight (a celebration of Pacific cultures), a rugby league game on Saturday, and possibly my family's beach house in a few weeks. Life is good and definitely more stable.

I hope to never take stability for granted again. Yet I reflect on my time of chaos, I am struck by the hand of God in silently and confidently guiding me through. My mother directed me to some wonderful verses earlier this week that have been on my heart since. Isaiah 43:18-19 read:

"Forget the former things;

Do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland."

These verses bring hope for every person in any situation. God is doing a new thing and working in our lives wherever we are. My experiences here in Auckland have shown just that.

Thanksgiving.

I have found a home.

Almost four weeks after arriving in New Zealand, I believe that I have finally unpacked for the last time. This morning, I met the wonderful family that is taking me in until the end of the semester. They have been incredibly kind and welcoming.

While the homestay situation is far superior to anything I could have hoped (I have my own bedroom/bathroom and a stunning view of the Manuku Bay), today was a difficult day. I found myself missing my own home and wishing I could simply be in the presence of those I am closest to.

In contemplating the homesickness, I realized an important thing. I have much to be thankful for. The wonderful outcome of my choice to do a homestay. The ability to my first Monday of classes since the earthquake tomorrow. Most importantly, the last month has been a month of unwavering support from those who care about me. I have been covered in prayer. My parents, friends, and boyfriend have all listened while I have processed my difficult experiences. They have had more patience with my tears and confusion than I feel I deserve.

My main thought at the moment is this: thank you. Thank you for your patience, comforting words, and listening ears. Thank you for your prayer, time, and wise advice. I could not have made it through the last month without all of you. I am incredibly blessed to be surrounded by a support system so vast and caring.

Today I attended church with my new host family. It was the first time since the earthquake and it felt right. My soul seemed to take a deep breath. At the same time, I knew almost no one. Yet I had the most important commonality with everyone there. I was reminded of God's support.

Thank you, God. Thank you, everyone.

More than Survival.

The past ten days have been the craziest of my life. I have started class twice at two different universities, survived an earthquake and the succeeding aftershocks, moved cities multiple times, and am preparing to embark on a homestay. Through it all, I have been away from my closest friends and family.

I am surviving.

I desire to be truthful and will admit this has been one of the most challenging periods of my life. I find myself frequently overwhelmed. No one thing if especially incapacitating, but instead the combined effects of the natural disaster and the sudden transfer to the University Auckland have made me more emotional.

In the lectures I was able to attend this week after registering Thursday, I was thrown back to the beginning days as a first-year at Gustavus. Sitting in a lecture hall, especially one filled with hordes of unknown faces, can be incredibly lonely.

The feel of the city is very different from that of Christchurch. It is much larger and very international. Everyone and everything seems to be constantly darting about quickly. Skyscrapers tower above the campus and crossing the street is a somewhat controlled chaos.

While here in Auckland, I have decided to live in a homestay. This involves vacating my current flat with those from my program and moving into a house across the city. The move will happen tomorrow afternoon. It will hopefully be a wonderful opportunity to experience authentic kiwi life and form meaningful relationships with those I am staying with. We shall see.

All of the aforementioned information sounds a bit depressing, but I am incredibly excited to learn more about Auckland and the events, trips, and sites available here. It is a wonderful city filled with a diverse population and a university who has been willing to accept all of us on such short notice. I am blessed in that department.

As I took the fifteen minute bus ride into the city from my accommodations, I was struck by the beauty of the Auckland skyline with the Sky Tower. While gazing at the buildings and attempting to organize my day, the theme verses from camp this summer began to scroll through my head. Psalm 62:1-2 reads:

My soul finds rest in God alone;

my salvation comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

The words circled my brain and I began to realize that I truly am held and loved by an amazing God. Whether I ever figure out my classes (or my life, for that matter), catch up on missed schoolwork, find difficult classrooms, or interact with my roommates, I must acknowledge the ultimate truth: God has a plan. He desires me to be shaped. It hurts, it's difficult, and it's inconvenient, but I trust that God has a wonderful plan when I finish.

In the upcoming weeks, I will hopefully be getting settled. My goal is this: to do more than simply survive. I desire to live expansively. I desire to see as much of Auckland and New Zealand as I can. I desire to appreciate the many blessings I have received. God has given us life and life to the full. I intend to use it for His glory here in Auckland.

A Shovelful of Silt.

I am covered in contaminated dirt. I have spent the last two days shoveling silt. Slimy. Powdery. Caked-on. Damp. Whatever kind you have, I specialize in it. With the Student Volunteer Army organized by the University of Canterbury, I have been traveling to the residential areas in desperate need of help. Equipped only with a shovel and work gloves, my hours have consisted of shoveling the dense piles of silt that bubbled up during the quake due to liquefaction into wheelbarrows. Shovelful after shovelful.

As I consider the last 48 hours, I am struck by the similarities between my physical work and my processing of the earthquake situation. Right now, the city is reeling from the destruction wrought by the unexpected quake in both buildings and lives. It is, figuratively, on its knees. I can relate. I have felt a vast spread of emotions this week. One moment I feel fine and the next I am crying. I am startled by passing buses thinking the ground is shaking from a quake. I have gotten worried about the safety of those I care about at home when I haven't spoken with them for a day. I am just not completely myself.

While shoveling the silt, I felt productive for the first time in a week. I was helping. Christchurch is a city covered in dense and difficult grime, but it is going to recover. One shovelful at a time. The last few days have made me feel just as hopeful. I am going to be fine. In fact, I am going to come out of this experience as a person who has dealt with adversity and found a way through. Auckland is a new adventure in the morning and I am sad to leave Christchurch, but I am confident that we will all make it through. God is good and faithful 'til the end. He will not abandon Christchurch and He will not abandon me during this difficult time. I am trusting in that.

Off to Auckland

The last few days in Springfield have been days of recovery, reflection, and evaluation. It has been wonderful to be able to shower, eat home cooked food, and have a chance to relax without the frequent rumble of aftershocks.

Nevertheless, the continuing efforts at recovery and rescue within Christchurch are constantly on my mind and in my prayers. The death toll has risen over a hundred and is estimated to continue its climb. Power and water are being gradually restored throughout the city and student volunteers are assembling en force to help out wherever they are needed. We have been kept updated via the news and I know the tragedy is not far from anyone's mind.

A new big decision arose for me yesterday. After the earthquake and it's disastrous effects, I knew that the program in Christchurch for us was in jeopardy of being cancelled and transferred to Auckland. I received a barrage of emails yesterday from both IES (my study abroad program) and the University of Canterbury delivering updates about possible opening dates and decisions. The University announced that it did not expect to open any earlier than March 14th and IES offered us the opportunity to transfer to Auckland if we wanted. As this is over two weeks away, all of us were a bit unsure of what to do with that time or whether it would be better to go to Auckland.

Through the night we discussed the benefits, drawbacks, and unknowns of the decision. A few members of my program knew immediately they desired to remain in Christchurch. Some were unsure about the change. Others were seriously considering Auckland.

I was in the middle. I can see the benefits of changing schools: a normal school calender with long breaks, no aftershocks/earthquakes, working infrastructure in the city, new opportunities to experience the North Island, and many more. At the same time, I love Christchurch. It has been incredibly welcoming and the people have been helpful and kind. I was ready to begin learning in my classes and living with my flatmates. I was excited about the organizations I was beginning to get involved in. I am settled here.

When I went to bed last night, my gut feeling was to stay in Christchurch and help as much as I can. God calls us to help those in need. There are certainly people in need in Christchurch. This morning, I was still feeling led to stay.

In a twist of fate, IES has decided to transfer all of us to the University of Auckland. I received a text and email from the program this afternoon highlighting the details of the move and the necessary paperwork needed.

I am still in shock. I cannot say I'm upset. I cannot say I'm disappointed. Instead, I am simply shocked. When studying abroad, one prepares mentally for the setting, interactions, and academics one will face when they arrive. I prepared for the University of Canterbury in Christchurch. This is not to say that I am not excited about Auckland. The North Island has many exciting and beautiful areas. It will still be possible to travel to the South Island during breaks. I will have the opportunity to meet more people and experience a different city.

The situation is interesting, unexpected, and surprising. Nevertheless, I am determined to make the best of it. It's my study abroad experience and I would rather spend it being positive, enjoying everything as much as I can, and being present. I am blessed to be alive and well. There are those without those simple luxuries in a city not too far from me now. I can't complain about moving. God will continue to work here in Christchurch as well as an Auckland. I just have to follow His lead. At the moment, it appears I am headed for the North Island and all that awaits there.

Shaky at the Moment

For those who haven't heard, the city of Christchurch was devastated by a 6.3 earthquake yesterday at 12:51 p.m. I'm still processing everything as the events of the last few days race incessantly through my mind.

Monday heralded the first day of classes at the University of Canterbury. I only had my Intermediate Latin Authors class that day (sounds like a good schedule to me) and spent the afternoon exploring the cliffs overlooking the Pacific Ocean at Sumner by myself. As I leaned out over the edges of the rocks, I could see the waves crashing over the rocky projections and admired the beauty of the landscape around me.

Yesterday started like a normal day. I was excited to finally begin my classes (two months off has been too much) and processed through four within the morning. Antarctic Studies, Latin, Roman Art and Architecture, and Conversational Maori all passed swiftly. Being the nerd I am, I was looking forward to buying my books and starting my homework.

The earthquake hit while I was sitting outside the lecture halls waiting for a friend. I cannot describe the experience fully. All of the sudden, I found myself standing as the buildings around me began to move in a way buildings never should. The concrete multi-level edifices swayed and groaned as the ground shook violently and made it difficult to stand. As the shaking continued, my mind was strangely blank except for two thoughts: "This is an earthquake" and "It has to stop soon." Unbelievably, the ground continued to buckle and the screams of fellow students could be heard. Around thirty seconds of chaos passed before an eerie silence and stillness settled over the area.

Students wearing expressions of panic and shock burst from the surrounding buildings. Anxious chatter was soon heard as individuals shared their experiences. I found myself in a group of Classics professors and students (ironic?) who guessed the magnitude as at least a six.

No damage was immediately visible on any of the buildings so we all processed rather calmly from the area to the field nearby, directed by men in orange vests labeled "Earthquake Remediation Team."

On the way, an intense aftershock struck and a small chunk of concrete fell from a building to my left. Fans also edged out of students' open windows and onto the lawn. Everyone began to walk more quickly. When I finally reached the open field, students and faculty were milling around nervously. After a half hour, we were told to head home as campus was being closed down until further notice. I walked back to the flats with some people in my program. It wasn't until we got there that we heard about the devastation downtown.

Reports of collapsed buildings and fatalities reached the University. The Canterbury Cathedral's spire had fallen and the roof collapsed. Two buses were crushed by falling buildings. People were trapped under the rubble of Christchurch's central business district.

In comparison with that news, our issues were minor. We weren't allowed to go into our flats until they had been checked and the power remained out for a few hours. After being let back in, we assessed the damage to our flat. The kitchen revealed fallen food and preparation items. In my own room, all of the things on my desk had been shaken onto the floor and the shelves in my closet had fallen. As a result, my floor was covered with a mix of papers, personal hygiene items, clothes, and pens. While we were inside, a series of strong aftershocks struck and we were forced to find shelter in our doorways.

In an effort allay our anxiety about being crushed by the two floors above us should the building fall, we made our way out. The aftershocks were overwhelming and scary to a few of my flatmates and we ended up sitting outside eating cookies. There's nothing like chocolate as a comfort food.

The rest of the night was spent watching the news once the power came on, discussing the shocking situation, and boiling water to drink. When it came time to go to bed, I will admit I was a bit hesitant. Aftershocks were still occurring frequently. Two of my flatmates opted to sleep in a car instead of inside. Sarah (a New Yorker) and I pulled our mattresses out into the living room and parked ourselves in front of the television.

The night passed fitfully. Four strong aftershocks rattled the apartment and waking up to shivering walls and squeaking cabinets is not conducive to sleep.

Today has been a day of watching the news and attempting to figure out plans. Water is still limited and dirty as the city's waste system was severely damaged by the quake. Liquefaction and flooding have taken over the streets. One study abroad program pulled its students out of the university this afternoon and is having them transfer to other colleges in New Zealand. Many kiwis left campus for relatives' houses or took domestic flights to other cities. Around half of those in my program left for other parts of New Zealand via the bus.

Internet service returned early this afternoon and I was able to Skype with my family and boyfriend. Seeing them was wonderful and comforting.

Our program contacted us and picked those of us remaining up in a bus. After an hour long drive and subsequent arrival at a welcoming hostel in Springfield, we have eaten an awesome dinner and have internet access.

It is difficult to accept the comforts afforded to me now when I know that there are many within the city struggling to find clean water, dry shelter, and most devastatingly, family members and friends. I feel so ineffectual. I do not know what I can do to help. I do not know if I even can stay in Christchurch this semester and help. The University is closed indefinitely and estimates place its reopening for a couple weeks out.

As I consider the timing of the quake, I am constantly reminded that I was on a bus in the city's center at 12:51 p.m. on Monday. I am lucky. There are 75 confirmed deaths and hundreds of people still missing. Only class saved me from being downtown.

Right now, I can only request prayer for those in Christchurch, all of their family and friends, and the workers laboring to free those trapped. I am fine and currently blessed with a safe place to stay, clean water, and the ability to contact those I love. I believe God is in charge, but it's difficult to see the destruction in Christchurch at the moment.

Fur Seals, Paua Shells, and Antarctic Studies

As it has been an entire week since my last post, I must preface this by saying I will certainly not be able to describe all that has happened this week. It has been difficult at times, tiring often, and fantastically fun.

The beginning of the week found me a bit melancholy. I woke up Monday missing home and those I love. The reality of the distance was settling in and while Skype is a blessing, it is not quite the same as face-to-face contact. After a relaxing run and journaling session, I put myself back together and have been much more collected since.

I realized that I often pray for God to change me. Whether that is to "grow" me as a person or simply give me more patience, I am constantly lodging requests. The issue is that when God gives me an opportunity to gain the qualities I had asked for, I want to squirm out of them. In this case, I prayed for God to grow me into the person He desires me to be. When confronted with a situation that could potentially do just that, I become scared, anxious, and uncomfortable. Goal of the week: Appreciate the blessings resident in difficulty. Relish in the ability to change and grow. Recognize that loneliness, frustration and discomfort are steps on the journey to maturation.

Valentine's Day, while never my favorite holiday, was certainly memorable. Two surprises met me: a present from my mother stowed away in secret within my suitcase and the arrival of beautiful flowers from an unbelievable boyfriend. I am blessed.

The beginning of this week was also laden with beach time. Separate visits to both the Sumner and New Brighton beaches resulted in the finding of a neat shell, fun times splashing in tidal caves, and a lovely red nose.

As a brutal reminder that I remain a student, enrollment for classes occurred Thursday. Going in, I planned on taking three classes of medium difficulty: Intermediate Latin Authors, Roman Art and Architecture, and Marine Biology. In the unpredictable way of class time offerings, conflicts arose and I ended up with an interesting schedule. Replacing Marine Biology are Conversational Maori for Absolute Beginners and Antarctic Studies: The Cold Continent. Interesting, huh?

Friday morning met us early (5:30 am) as we embarked to catch the train booked the night before (college-aged students plan ahead). I, along with six friends, was headed to Kaikoura: home to whales, dolphins, seals, and many different species of bird. The train ride brought us through mountains and to the Pacific. As we reached the ocean, the views were unbelievable. Mountains rose up from near the shore and everything seemed painted in a bright shade of blue.

Friday was spent exploring the area. A two hour voyage in sea kayaks (of which Laura and I were the slowest and constantly told to "paddle harder") resulted in sunburn, fatigue, and most importantly, the sighting of dozens of New Zealand fur seals and a few Blue Belly penguins. Fresh seafood was on the menu for dinner and I decided to take a hint from my eldest brother and order the strangest thing on the menu: Paua fritters. They are a fried mixture of egg and a mussel-like food that comes from large and colorful shells. The animal is found in abundance around the Kaikoura area. I cannot describe the taste...It was unique? Our hunger was finally sated after a trip into town to buy Hokey Pokey ice cream along with Tim Tams. We felt incredibly kiwi-ish.

Today (Saturday) brought more expeditions and adventures. We awoke early and headed out on a day hike around the Peninsula. The beginning section went along the shore (it was low tide at the time). After a somewhat terrifying run-in with a large seal, we backtracked a bit and dragged ourselves up to the top of the hills. The views were excellent and the company sustained by games of 20 questions. After a quick lunch and layout on the rocky beach, we boarded the train back into Christchurch.

It was two of the most enjoyable days I have had in a long while. The scenery was unbelievable. I can scarcely believe anything that beautiful truly exists. Kaikoura will hopefully be a place of travel for me in the future.

As I prepare for school on Monday, I am a little anxious about the amount of work, expectations, differences between school systems, etc. Nevertheless, God's tiny voice seems to constantly whisper in my ear His comfort and a gentle reminder of my prayer for growth. It seems that God does indeed listen to prayers. Who would have thought?

Being Present.

I have arrived.

Whew.

I will admit that throughout the journey to New Zealand, I did not have the most positive of self-talk. My therapist would be horrified. Let's just say that the thirteen hour plane ride over (one of three flights within 24 hours) provided me with ample time to think over my decision to leave everything familiar behind. Every few hours, I would find myself having moments of panic. My breathing would quicken, my mind would begin to race, and I would doubt my decision to study abroad. Instead of being filled with excitement, I felt bogged down by concerns related to housing, banking, cell phones, customs, friendships, and independent travel. I missed my loved ones back home and was daunted by the knowledge that soon I would be out of easy contact.

When I consider the differences between in my thinking at the moment and that on the plane, I am struck by God's faithfulness. I heard at church a few days before leaving the States a question which has stuck with me. My pastor said, "Look back on your life and ask yourself: 'When has God not been faithful?'" As I look back even on the last four days, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for God's never-ending care.

The last four days have been wonderful, exhausting, stretching, and exhilarating. I have moved into an on-campus apartment, cooked my first meal on my own (scrambled eggs and barbecue sauce with a side of yogurt and muesli), and finally purchased a full-size towel. I have also met dozens of people from all over the world (including my flatmates from Australia and Germany), toured the lovely town of Christchurch, gone jet boating on a glacier-fed river, helped shear a sheep, climbed towering rocks at Castle Hill in gale-like winds, forded into a limestone cave at Cave Stream, visited the quaint town of Springfield, watched a sunset over the mountains, eaten too much, gazed on sites for scenes in Lord of the Rings and Narnia, learned how to use public transportation (thanks to my handy dandy bus card), and seen more sheep than I have in my entire life.

Through it all, I have never felt completely alone. God's presence is never far away in a land where mountains claw the sky and rivers rush with waters so blue you can scarcely believe they're real. While difficult times are certain to arrive at some point, I can only help but marvel at the vast scope of God's abilities. The same God who has always been faithful to guiding me created the wondrous country around me.

To Him be the glory.

Snow, Snow, Snow.

In an effort to see my best friend/cousin and older brother before I set out next week, I have come to Chicago. Yes, I speak of the city that recently received around 20 inches of snow.

While the snow is accompanied by certain inconveniences (namely the inability to go anywhere), I cannot help but be struck by the strength of the natural forces around us. The weather is something too often I dismiss as predictable, manageable, and ordinary. On a day when almost two feet of snow have fallen and shut down a thriving metropolis, I can only stand in awe.

As I peek out the frosty windows at the submerged cars, single-file sidewalk paths of packed snow, and blowing flakes, all I can see is beauty in the snow as well as its effects. The pace of living has slowed on account of the billions of unique crystals that have fallen. Friends trudge through to visit and express astonishment over the snowfall. Conversation is made over mugs of hot chocolate while fresh cookies are prepared and consumed in large quantities. Homework is pushed off and adventures into the winter wonderland are instead the assignments of the night.

Though it would be unfortunate to have a delayed flight home tomorrow morning, I cannot find it in me to be angry. The snow that would limit my return to Minnesota has blessed me over the last few days. It has allowed me time with people I care about and a slowing of the hectic daily pace. Therefore, I come out of the Chicago blizzard with this thought: Snow, thank you. It has been wonderful.

On the Verge

Imagine a flat plain as far as the eye can see. It has slight dips and rises, but the land flows in a relatively consistent stream. As you approach a small rise seemingly no different from all others you have strolled up, you spot a difference. Off in the distance, there is a dark area. An unknown patch. Not menacing, but different from any other area you have seen.

When you gradually make your way closer, a gray wall of fog materializes in front of you. Somehow, you know that you must step in. You must take the risk. You must trust that the path for your life runs through that unknown patch, that unseeable future.

I am facing a towering column of gray fog. As I spent tonight packing up my room and preparing to leave Gustavus in the morning, I was visited by wonderful friends who came to wish me luck and say goodbye. They constantly expressed their excitement for the opportunity soon to arrive in my life. While my excitement about studying abroad in New Zealand is real, I can sense the uncertainty facing me.

I love to plan out my career path, my college courses, the steps in my relationships, and my days. A problem arises with this futuristic strength when one is confronted with a future that is simply unknown. I cannot see through the fog to predict the friendships that will be formed, the lessons learned, and the experiences had. I cannot even rely on the comfort found in a known academic situation.

As I sit here on my bed and gaze down at St. Peter from my window, I am struck by the beauty of the small bed of fog resting over the town. It blankets the orange lights and all the buildings seem to nestle sweetly down in it for the night.

The fog is beautiful. It is filled with new surprises and twists. An unexpected friend or helpful stranger may pop out from the mist and bring joy to your life. In the same way, a difficult experience or stressful issue may leap up at any moment. Through all, I find comfort in this: God has promised to guide me through New Zealand and beyond. As I began preparing for this trip during the summer, God laid a verse on my heart that has brought me peace. In Psalm 139, it is written:

"If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast."

I will be on the far side of the sea in eleven days. While the things to come seem enshrouded in fog, I know whose hands I am in. They are strong, caring, and dependable hands.

Same-Sex Areas?

I recently filled out a form for my housing in New Zealand. One checkbox read, "Same-sex area required?" Thinking this was referencing the presence of a singular gender per floor, I checked "No."

Upon reflection, I have no idea what "Same-sex area" means. Will I have a flatmate of the opposite gender? Will I share a room with a guy? Where will I change? Will I have to fall asleep to snoring? What if he doesn't bathe regularly? What if he enjoys listening to death metal or never leaves the room due to a video game addiction?

Unfortunately, all of these thoughts hit me a few seconds after I had clicked the "Submit Form" button. The concerns were exacerbated after hearing a few hours later that a friend's brother had a female roommate during his study abroad in Australia.

Interesting, huh?

After some prayer, I realized an important thing: this is the beginning of the adventure.

It may be one filled with smelly socks, rugby games, and whatever else boys in New Zealand enjoy, but it will be my adventure.

Blessings aplenty.

I am blessed.

Too often I overlook the undeserved gifts around me. I have wonderfully supportive people in my life who care about me and enjoy (or at least pretend to enjoy) my quirky sense of humor. I attend a challenging college where I am involved in a strong community. I have the financial means to travel across the world for an extended period of time. Most importantly, I am loved inexplicably and intimately by a God in a way beyond my comprehension. To forget these blessings is to give into my natural tendency: to focus on what I see as insufficiencies instead of being grateful for the plenty.

With a long trip looming less than three weeks away, a new goal has arisen in my mind: to live each day in gratitude.

Whether I am facing difficulties certain to arise or passing through experiences easily, I intend to live each day cognizant of the blessings in my life. A wise person told me this morning that adventures are simply inconveniences viewed in a different light. I desire to attune my mind's lenses to that light. I desire to appreciate the small blessings. I desire to see God everyday in the little things of life.

New Zealand, here I come. I am a young traveler prepared to be challenged, confused, and grown.

I am blessed.