Dark Chocolate.

My life feels like dark chocolate.

While that may sound weird at first, let me explain.

This past week has been an overwhelming mixture of joy, tears, relief, disappointment, laughter, anxiety, fatigue, and disbelief.

On Thursday, I found out my family's arrival was delayed until Sunday due to the ash cloud spanning the Tasman. I was incredibly disappointed. I spent my day moping a bit and studying for finals.

On Friday, I took my second final: Classical Tragedy through Mythology. I was rather glad to be finished with that one.

On Saturday, I took my Inorganic Chemistry final. It was an immense relief to be finished with that.

After my exam, Saturday brought me to tears. I am not sure whether they were tears of joy or of sadness. Most likely both. My mother called me from Sydney to deliver the news that they will not be able to arrive until Tuesday due to the ash cloud. Four days after their planned arrival. Just as I was absorbing this difficult information, the phone was given to someone else in Sydney. Someone I thought was on the other side of the ocean spending time in Minnesota playing frisbee golf.

My boyfriend Justin is in Sydney with them. Even now, I can scarcely wrap my head around all of the planning and white lies that were put into making his arrival a surprise and had the ash cloud not gotten in the way (quite literally), I think the airport would have experienced an incredible amount of screams and tears when I saw him.

While it is truly unfortunate that the Lucht family + Justin are marooned in Australia, I have grown to recognize that there are also some positive aspects of this situation. I have been able to study for my last exam without distraction. They have been able to spend a few days in the lively city of Sydney seeing incredibly architecture, tasting great food, and experiencing Australia. I have time to pack and get all of my things together before they arrive. They will have recovered from jet lag by the time they get to me.

During church this morning, the pastor spoke about hope. He spoke about the importance of it in our Christian lives, especially when we face disappointment.

In the stressful events of the past few days, God has been showing me just that: in the difficult things of life, there is always hope.

In those things that seem too bitter, there is still sweetness.

It's like dark chocolate.

Ash Clouds, Ash Clouds, Go Away. Come Again...Never.

I am not ready to leave New Zealand quite yet. Instead, I have the privilege of showing my family the country I have lived in and the people I have grown to love. I get to see their reactions when they witness the grandeur of the Remarkables on the South Island and hear their laughter when they meet my awesome homestay family.

There is only one problem.

A certain Chilean ash cloud looms ominously over Southern parts of New Zealand and Australia.

If this occurred almost any other week, I would note it as an interesting phenomenon and move on.

I cannot do that this week.

My family arrives in three short days and they connect through Sydney, out of which flights have been grounded on multiple occasions in the last few weeks.

So please, Mr. Ash Cloud, skedaddle. Perhaps Chile would take you back?

The Lucht Brigade

I love calculating. Whether it is how many points I need on a test to do well for my final grade or the amount of time it will take me to travel somewhere, I just love using simple math to figure out life's daily problems.

Lately, I have become rather obsessed with an even simpler type of math: counting.

I love to count. I love to count how many days of finals I have left. I love to count how many weeks until I board the plane home. I love to count how many 'sleeps' there are until my wonderful family gets here.

It seems as though every morning I wake up and my brain automatically calculates my new set of numbers. 11, 3, 9.

While I see no incredible harm in knowing the number of days until my time here in New Zealand is finished, I am struck by the danger of living only for the future instead of in the present. Too often I become stuck in wondering, wishing, and hoping for, what I imagine, a time when life will be easier. More filled with love. More figured out.

Something tells me that day will never come.

The world is a messy place. Things can be difficult. School can be challenging and relationships can be straining, but I know this: no matter how much you believe attaining something or reaching some time will make everything better, it will not.

My experience here in New Zealand has been unbelievable. It has been the most challenging thing I have ever done and while I think I have cried more in these 4+ months than in any other, I have grown and experienced more than I ever imagined possible. It wasn't done sitting and waiting in my cozy little bedroom in the basement for the time to pass. Instead, it happened through doing. Through action. Through engaging in the world around me just where I am.

As I count down now, I recognize that I need to continue to give my presence to my life here in Auckland, but I could not be more excited to share this place with those I love the most and to have them be present here too.

Be prepared, Auckland. The Lucht Brigade is coming.

To Be a Hobbit.

This last weekend, I traveled around the Coromandel peninsula with some of my friends. We saw things ranging from a hot water beach (after digging a hole in the sand, you bask in the hot water that fills it) to Cathedral Cove, which was featured in the Narnia movie "Prince Caspain". It was a very cool Saturday.

It was Sunday that brought me to Hobbiton. The site of 'The Shire' is outside the small town of Matamata and boasts the hobbit holes featured in the Lord of the Rings trilogy as well as the upcoming movie of 'The Hobbit'.

It was all very cool and while I cannot post pictures due to copyright, I urge you to take my word for it that the small dwellings are incredibly picturesque. If possible, I would not mind having a round and colorful front door on my house in the future. While I have been told it would be an inefficient use of space, I maintain that it would add a character that far surpasses any lost space.

One thing that struck me while I peered around at hobbit holes and the quaint gardens of 'The Shire' was how incredibly real things can appear when they are truly not. While to my eyes, the sets looked flawless, I knew in my mind that they were merely constructions.

Sometimes I wonder if we try to appear like these movie sets: put together with things perfectly placed. We like to give the impression of being people in control of our relationships, our academics, our futures, our emotions, and our experiences.

I hope to always freely admit my life is not like that. It seems to me that as soon as I figure out one aspect of my life, another has dropped off the deep end. My relationships sometimes take a hit as I focus on academics and vice versa.

In Hobbiton, occasionally some pesky tourists disrupt the carefully erected facade. It is discovered that behind those cute round doors lie only cement retaining walls.

My prayer this week is to be someone real. Someone who freely admits mistakes and difficulties. I am praying to be someone whose life reflects God despite of and through my imperfections.

I am also secretly praying to be turned into a hobbit.

No Regrets.

I am back! I am sorry for the long delay in posts, but my profile here was doing strange things and hasn't allowed me to post anything for the last two weeks. I have been rather frustrated, but all is well now.

A brief synopsis of the latest weeks: an ascent of Rangitoto (the volcano in Auckland harbor), a puppy-chow filled girls' night, a journey up North of Auckland with a Kiwi friend, and a Turkish dinner with school pals. Overall a very fun couple of weeks.

While I know I still have a month and a half left here in New Zealand, over the last few weeks I have been struck by how it feels as though the end is quickly approaching. Classes finish after next week. My family arrives in Auckland a month from tomorrow. I head off to explore Australia in ten days. When I consider the time remaining here in Auckland, there seems very little left free.

My main concern as I contemplate how to spend my time here in Auckland is that I go home with no regrets. I hope my last 6 weeks are filled with adventure, laughter, and appreciation for the country I now live in. I am the only one responsible for pushing myself to make these things happen. I can't let my desire to see people at home get in the way of making the most of this opportunity because I will be home before I know it and I can't get this time back.

Hearts.

The more time I spend in New Zealand, the more things I love about it.

From the beautiful sunsets over Manukau Bay to the interesting people I meet at the bus stop. From the use of words like 'rubbish bin' and 'wop wops' to the craziness that is the Miller clan when they all come over for dinner.

From the kindness of my classmates when I look lost to the adorable cafes dotting every single street.

New Zealand is beautiful.

Still, the more time I spend in New Zealand, the more I realize how important the people not in New Zealand are to me.

Beautiful sunrises don't compare to a best friend.

Funny experiences aren't the same as loud family gatherings.

Interesting foods (like Barfi - look it up) can't measure up to making dinner with my boyfriend.

In saying these things, I am not wishing I were home right now. When I consider leaving New Zealand in a couple of months, it's a bittersweet thought. I have fallen in love with so much here. New Zealand is teaching me about how much a person can actually love. In some ways, I wonder if the heart is infinitely expansive.

I'm looking forward to so many things in the coming months. I have a feeling flying home will be leaving a bit of my heart here to go get the part I left in Minnesota.

When did May get here?

May has arrived with a flurry of showers, a heavy blanket of clouds, and assignments put off during mid-semester break. I can hardly believe May has come already.

The past week has been rather filled with inorganic chemistry, catching up with everyone at home, and a royal wedding. With New Zealand being associated closely with Britain, a few of my friends and I thought it was only fitting we make cookies and stay up to watch the wedding in its entirety.

The Miller clan greeted me Saturday morning with a large amount of banging on the walls outside of my bedroom - they were removing the outside paneling. It was a Saturday spent chatting with everyone, coloring with the grandkids, and relaxing to American Idol with Jan and Chris. Somewhat ironic that I had never seen a full episode before arriving here.

I can hardly believe that my family arrives in around 50 days. That is so soon! This whole experience has passed so quickly already and as much as I am excited about seeing everyone at home, the idea of leaving New Zealand is already bittersweet. I think that means a return trip is necessary in the future.

Something from church on Sunday has been on my mind. The pastor preached about accepting our roles in Christ. As everyone knows, I have yet to figure out which career path I am going to pursue after Gustavus. It's a running joke that I choose something different each week. Listening to the sermon, I was comforted to know that God has a plan. Though it is difficult, I have to lay aside my pride, expectations, and fears because His ways are infinitely better. Whatever career God leads me to, I know that as long as I trust God with the guiding, I will end up where I am meant to be.

As I enter into May, I am excited about the possibilities of life. I still have a considerable amount of time left to enjoy New Zealand. My family is coming to visit this amazing country in a couple of months. My friends at home have been wonderful.

Adventures await.