Dark Chocolate.

My life feels like dark chocolate.

While that may sound weird at first, let me explain.

This past week has been an overwhelming mixture of joy, tears, relief, disappointment, laughter, anxiety, fatigue, and disbelief.

On Thursday, I found out my family's arrival was delayed until Sunday due to the ash cloud spanning the Tasman. I was incredibly disappointed. I spent my day moping a bit and studying for finals.

On Friday, I took my second final: Classical Tragedy through Mythology. I was rather glad to be finished with that one.

On Saturday, I took my Inorganic Chemistry final. It was an immense relief to be finished with that.

After my exam, Saturday brought me to tears. I am not sure whether they were tears of joy or of sadness. Most likely both. My mother called me from Sydney to deliver the news that they will not be able to arrive until Tuesday due to the ash cloud. Four days after their planned arrival. Just as I was absorbing this difficult information, the phone was given to someone else in Sydney. Someone I thought was on the other side of the ocean spending time in Minnesota playing frisbee golf.

My boyfriend Justin is in Sydney with them. Even now, I can scarcely wrap my head around all of the planning and white lies that were put into making his arrival a surprise and had the ash cloud not gotten in the way (quite literally), I think the airport would have experienced an incredible amount of screams and tears when I saw him.

While it is truly unfortunate that the Lucht family + Justin are marooned in Australia, I have grown to recognize that there are also some positive aspects of this situation. I have been able to study for my last exam without distraction. They have been able to spend a few days in the lively city of Sydney seeing incredibly architecture, tasting great food, and experiencing Australia. I have time to pack and get all of my things together before they arrive. They will have recovered from jet lag by the time they get to me.

During church this morning, the pastor spoke about hope. He spoke about the importance of it in our Christian lives, especially when we face disappointment.

In the stressful events of the past few days, God has been showing me just that: in the difficult things of life, there is always hope.

In those things that seem too bitter, there is still sweetness.

It's like dark chocolate.

Ash Clouds, Ash Clouds, Go Away. Come Again...Never.

I am not ready to leave New Zealand quite yet. Instead, I have the privilege of showing my family the country I have lived in and the people I have grown to love. I get to see their reactions when they witness the grandeur of the Remarkables on the South Island and hear their laughter when they meet my awesome homestay family.

There is only one problem.

A certain Chilean ash cloud looms ominously over Southern parts of New Zealand and Australia.

If this occurred almost any other week, I would note it as an interesting phenomenon and move on.

I cannot do that this week.

My family arrives in three short days and they connect through Sydney, out of which flights have been grounded on multiple occasions in the last few weeks.

So please, Mr. Ash Cloud, skedaddle. Perhaps Chile would take you back?

The Lucht Brigade

I love calculating. Whether it is how many points I need on a test to do well for my final grade or the amount of time it will take me to travel somewhere, I just love using simple math to figure out life's daily problems.

Lately, I have become rather obsessed with an even simpler type of math: counting.

I love to count. I love to count how many days of finals I have left. I love to count how many weeks until I board the plane home. I love to count how many 'sleeps' there are until my wonderful family gets here.

It seems as though every morning I wake up and my brain automatically calculates my new set of numbers. 11, 3, 9.

While I see no incredible harm in knowing the number of days until my time here in New Zealand is finished, I am struck by the danger of living only for the future instead of in the present. Too often I become stuck in wondering, wishing, and hoping for, what I imagine, a time when life will be easier. More filled with love. More figured out.

Something tells me that day will never come.

The world is a messy place. Things can be difficult. School can be challenging and relationships can be straining, but I know this: no matter how much you believe attaining something or reaching some time will make everything better, it will not.

My experience here in New Zealand has been unbelievable. It has been the most challenging thing I have ever done and while I think I have cried more in these 4+ months than in any other, I have grown and experienced more than I ever imagined possible. It wasn't done sitting and waiting in my cozy little bedroom in the basement for the time to pass. Instead, it happened through doing. Through action. Through engaging in the world around me just where I am.

As I count down now, I recognize that I need to continue to give my presence to my life here in Auckland, but I could not be more excited to share this place with those I love the most and to have them be present here too.

Be prepared, Auckland. The Lucht Brigade is coming.